Studio Friday: Sloth

How do you fail to utilize your gift and talents? How do you feel at those moments? Are you unwilling to act? Is it that you are afraid? What is really going on? How can a few simple steps change you? What do you need for that happen?


For years I have failed to utilize my drawing ability. I was born with this talent for a reason, and I used to truly love it. I'm not sure if I ever consciously knew what I was supposed to do with this gift. I do know that it was not laziness that killed my love of drawing and painting.

I started drawing when I was 4 and eventually, all of the doodling paid off when I was accepted into talented art my freshman year in high school. Every year I entered competitions. I so badly wanted to win the top prize which I believed would validate my whole reason for being an artist. I won a ribbon in mostly every competition I entered, but never the top prize. Finally, the last competition of my high school experience, the end of Senior year, I won Best in Show.

See, all the years that I spent entering competitions, I was focusing more on how the work would be received than how much joy it brought me. Surrounded by great artists, I always felt beneath them in my level of skill. I always felt this pressure to be the best, and to outdo everyone. Now, I realize that comparing yourself to others is quite an unhealthy thing. I just want to find joy in the creative process again. Still, I haven't found the energy and the flow that I once had. I'm working up to it by way of my interest in mixed media, and more inspired jewelry design. Maybe someday, I'll feel free to create like I did when I was a child.